A Letter to Me by Me.

As hard as I try, I can’t shake this feeling that something is just not right.
Maybe it’s your lack of action or what you do when we fight, but it seems to me that something is hiding in the shadows and I’m afraid of what may come to light.
What I perceive to be reality may just be a mere fragment of my imagination, and if that is proven true then the walls of my existence will ultimately equate cessation.
Loving you is a battle and I know life itself can be a war, but I feel like I’m losing this one and the question is if it’s worth fighting for.
I want to believe that you’ve changed and things will never be as they once were before, but part of me believes that it may be naive of me to think that you just haven’t mastered the art of being a whore.
I know I would never do anything to hurt you but that’s me, you have hurt me more than anyone else, so who is to say that you have stopped and aren’t still selfish.
I’m finally admitting that I’m not happy. The picture that I painted for myself doesn’t exist. I keep trying to attain it, even a small piece of it, but it’s hopeless.
I don’t want to give up but some dreams don’t come true and I’m starting to think that one of those dreams is being happy with you.
I don’t trust you and frankly in the back of my mind you will always be a cheat. The holder of dishonesty and heartbreak --- the ultimate deceit.
I guess I was kidding myself thinking that you would change, that I would one day be important in your life and bear your last name.
I was going to take the route of being patient but there is only so much patience one can exude, that’s why there is a saying that patience is a virtue. --- Because many don’t have it!
The fact that we still encounter the same hurdles affirms the realization that ‘US’ really hasn’t changed. We are still the same, just packaged differently.
I can’t go on living like this because this isn’t life. I’m in a constant battle with so many emotions inside and I’ve just grown tired with this fight.
Maybe you and I are too different and we aren’t compatible like we wanted to be. I love you but I love me MORE so our US has to just become YOU and ME --- separately.

Love,

T