Feeling Loved <3 <3 <3

The feeling of warmth you get when that special someone’s face comes to mind, the butterflies in your stomach when you’re anticipating occupying each others’ time……

Could it be love?

The first glimpse of his face, the strong hold of his embrace, Hearing his heart beat with your head on his chest, shivers running down your spine from the warmth of his breath…..

Maybe it’s love?

The nervousness of not knowing what to expect, late night conversations, fantasizing about what you haven’t done yet…….

Could it be love?

Experiencing things together for the first time, realizing that without even thinking, he’s always on your mind, Invading your thoughts, your dreams, your goals in life, wondering how it will feel to be his wife……..

You wondering, Am I in love?

Waking up from a good nights’ sleep in his arms, not wanting to move or squirm, wishing the moments you share could go on and on and on……

Maybe I am in love.

After all the time that has been spent learning and growing together, now knowing he’s the epitome of everything that you ever wanted, crying when he bends on one knee and tells you he wants to be with you forever……..

That’s love.

Sharing a life that you have created, the feeling of forever being appreciated, unexpected surprises, gifts just because….

That’s a sure sign of love.

Being able to share your deepest secrets, your disappointments and your achievements, this wonderful person accepting you with all your faults, flaws and all, because you are what he has always dreamed of, what he has always envisioned for himself. A woman with purpose and humility, very giving of herself. Always supportive, strong at his side, willing to submit but also assert pride, your confidant, your equal, your partner in crime, willing to make this journey and ride with you to the end……..
Now you know your love, that light in your life, has and will always be your very best friend…..

Is LOVE…..

Why???

Can someone tell me why do we always want the things that we can’t have?

Why can't we break away from something that we know is bad?

Why we crave the things that we have never had?

Why is it that we just can't let things be?

Accept life as it is, be glad we're free.

We always want what’s out of reach be it a person, place or thing.

Why do we love so hard that we can't breathe?

Love someone so much and they don’t even know we exist and if they do, they really don’t give a s...

I'm so tired of giving my all and receiving nothing in return,

Opening up my heart and in the end getting burned.

Sacrificing for others and spoiling them.

Only to end up alone and heart-broken.

I don't believe in blaming someone new for what someone old has done.

Does anyone else believe this, or am I the only one?

I’m emotionally drained, so tired of trying to find love

I’m losing hope, for fear of never being found.

I seem to fall in love with the wrong man

First my ex-husband, my best friend, and then a childhood boyfriend.

Why can’t my heart know the difference between love and lust?

Know the true meaning and being open to trust

Hurting so much, I have no more tears to shed

Holding on to a dream that doesn’t seem to be there.

One day it may come when I least expect it

Why doesn’t anything come when u want it

What makes someone decide to betray you?

You ask them why and they have some excuse.

They have the ability to lie without a flinch and

so quick to turn the tables when they can't handle it.

All you want is time, companionship and respect,

instead you end up with nothing but regret.

Upset and emotional, so out of control,

using every ounce of strength just to hold on.

Holding on so tight that your knuckles turn white,

not willing to give in, accept defeat or be the loser in this fight.

I believe in loving with your all, no stipulations, rules, or guidelines to follow,

while others lock their hearts up and shield them from all the sorrow.

One day I'll find love this I truly know,

There is someone out there for me and when he finds me....

Our love will surely grow.

How long will I have to wait, I think as I sigh,

Who knows... I guess that's why I'm asking WHY.....

Just Let It Be……

When I think of u lots of thoughts cross my mind
I think of some of the things u tell me and whether it’s the truth or a lie.
There is no reason 2 be deceptive with me, if u don’t want me u can just leave.
Yet in still, there seems 2 be a need to hide, behind the lies - with the truth u don’t abide, follow no laws,
I may have flaws, but I’m only human.
I can’t remember the last time we went out on a date, but we procreate on a regular basis.
It boggles my mind that u negate me for losing weight, when without the extra pounds, my %#&@$! seems a bit rounder - now the fellas checking me out.
U c, u want me, but u don’t want anyone else to have me either.

U have ur wife and kids and the house with the white fence, and I tend to get pissed, when I realize that I’m not the only ONE.
I know I created this ménage trois, I wanted u and was gonna have u any way I could!
I think of how crazy it all seems, now I want u all 2 myself.
Not 2 be selfish or anything but ur love ignites fires that make me sing, my body plays that song 4 u and u alone and I wonder how could it be wrong, when it feels so damn right.
We don’t fight, and that’s a good thing.

 I mean 2 people who can develop on a level like u and I is DIVINE.
My love only grows more 4 u each day......

Not sure what it was about u that made me feel this way...

It makes me wanna say OH Oh Oh Ohhh
These thoughts have crossed micro paths in my cerebrum, thoughts so deep they can only be seen within my dreams.
Unforeseen and mistaken as a curse, me giving BiRtH 2 our child may have hurt, but I know that it had 2 be done, and damn that could have been my SoN...

 But it wasn’t meant 2 be, wasn’t meant 4 me,

 to have the child that we don’t speak of.
I wanted to experience having that blessing of ours, wasn’t the right time, not the right date, and I hate 2 remember the day I told u I was late, it was a mistake, one in which I pay 4 everyday.
I try to seek out those memories that I’m so fond of, when u and I became ONE.
By far u r the essence of my being - I try to tell u, but u don’t understand the words I’m speaking.
Our `cheating` nothing more than a mere friendship,
At best- a relationship that can only be described as `The Best`
I only wish that u could come lay with me
Experience what I feel and know that its real
Accept my heart and keep it safe
Never let anyone come in and try 2 take my place
Look me in the face and tell me that u love me and I’m the only ONE
The ONE that U have been waiting on
I love U, Ur my very best friend - U mean alot 2 me
Accept the love that we share as it is,
Just Let It Be........

My Testament to Love

(To My Best Friend- My Inspiration)

The eyes are the windows to the soul,

the lips hold the truths untold,

the mind controls all that is unknown,

yet, when the body feels sensations roll,

and take hold,

on all that we think we know.

It is then that a peak is reached,

as evidence is given that the flesh is weak,

our lips no longer speak,

eyes no longer peak, Why?

Because the mind has allowed love to seep, into the depths of the soul,

and it is then that the essence of our being can unfold,

to tell the truths that weren`t to be told.

I Breathed…..

I thought you were the one God made just for me, the one whom I was to spend my life with, my destiny.

I thought it was to be just you and I, and then came all the lies.

The constant memories that flood my brain, remembering the good times, and then comes the pain.

The pain of knowing that what we had was fiction, merely based on a fairy tale that I put into existence.

I sacrificed and pushed people away, just so I could call you my baby.

You were My Love, the one I gave my heart to, yet you gave yours to five other Boo’s.

When the truth was revealed, what did you think I would do? Try to work it out? Stay and support you?

Pick up the pieces of the life that I once knew?

I’m a strong woman but I’m not a fool. Did you really think that I would believe you when you said they meant nothing to you?

If they meant nothing, then why were they there to begin with? And would they have been ditched, if I never discovered they existed?

With you I did things that I had never done before. I saw us doing BIG things, achieving a life most only dream of.

Now I look into our daughters’ eyes, trying to get the words right as to why you don’t come by.

I don’t want to lie, but she’s too young to understand, and if you were a real dad, I wouldn’t be the one who’s portrayed as BAD.

I have accepted the fact that I’m still in love with you that kind of love only fades away with time and enough time just hasn’t yet gone by.

If I could do it all over again, I still would’ve chosen you, those moments we shared were heaven to me.

I remember Jamaica like it was yesterday, the look on your face the morning of your birthday.

It was our own little paradise, away from all the sadness and the pain that I now feel. The spa treatments, the romantic layout in our villa was all for you.

A token of my undying love for someone whom I thought I was telling me the truth.

There I go again, thinking of the past, I should’ve known that after all I had done, it wasn’t gonna last.

Yet still I believed that if I worked hard enough, it would…But if I’m the only one working at it, it’s not, even though I think it should.

We talk from time to time and you tell me you’re trying to change, that you still want us to be together, for me to have your last name.

I have mixed feelings because I love you so, but another part of me still wants to place my hands around your throat.

I wonder if I am the only one you’re saying this to, or if your keeping contact with the others, you can tell me what you like, it’s not like I’m gonna contact your former lovers.

You want me to wait on you, for you to finish your counseling sessions, I’m not even sure if you’re going, or if you’re even making progress with these lessons.

The fact is, I don’t trust you anymore, something so sacred takes a second to attain, but a lifetime to regain.

You took my love and trust for granted, something you’re no longer worthy of, that You Abused. I don’t know if I will ever give that trust back to you, too much has happened, not an experience I’d wish to go through.

Yet my heart doesn’t want to let you go and my mind is saying I’m crazy as hell for entertaining thoughts other than telling you ‘No’.

I know the right thing for me to do is walk away, but I can’t help but thinking about the what if’s and if we’ll have a life together someday.

There’s a saying that if you let something go and it comes back to you, then it’s yours. I guess I’m going to have to test this theory to see if it works. I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you, I wanted you for myself, and I did what I thought would make you happy, but sometimes my actions alone are not enough. You live and you learn. I’ve learned to love with all of my being, and I’m not mad about that. You can’t understand how much you love someone until you’ve lost them. It is at that moment, I realized what I’ve always known. You’ll always occupy my heart My Love, but it’s time for me to Breathe……..and Let You Go…….

Patience

Most of a person’s life is spent on waiting…..
Waiting for the bus, waiting for the train,
Waiting on love, or the end of anguish and pain.
It seems that time moves so quickly when enjoying yourself,
But seems to take pause when you’d rather be somewhere else.
There doesn’t seem to be enough hours, minutes, or seconds in the day when we’re together. Time tends to move to quickly when I want the moment to last forever.
There are milestones I want this relationship to achieve, yet at the current pace they seem far out of reach.
I’m not trying to pressure you or rush things along, it’s just that I’ve been waiting, waiting seven long years for us to become one.
Growing old together is the path I’m on,
I’m just trying to maximize on our time together, is that wrong?
I’m holding on to a dream that was once deferred,
It never occurred to me that I was causing you to be unnerved.
Maybe I just need to stop focusing on the future and live for the present,
Sometimes it’s hard to do with the past continuing to be a presence.
This relationship has evolved and grown into something so mature,
I guess I should exercise more patience to help it endure.
My main concern is sacrificing for something I’ve wanted for so long, only to be left alone.
I’ll try this thing they call Patience and see where it leads,
I’m placing my faith in you and praying we will succeed.
They say most of a person’s life is spent on waiting,
I say it’s not waiting, more like Anticipating…….

A New Year, A New Me.... Maybe???

Someone once told me that everything happens for a reason and that people are placed in your life for a reason, season, or lifetime. Looking back on the last 30 years of my life, I can find these statements to be true. I'm not old in age but my experiences have blessed me with wisdom beyond my years.

One of my first best friends was my grandmother. She blessed me with her knowledge and bestowed upon me her wisdom. It's this knowledge and wisdom which has shaped me into the woman I am today. Without her I would be a mere shell of my existence and unworthy of passing life lessons to my children.

This blog is my heart and soul. The poems littered here are originals by me. They expose me as an individual and the pain, growth, and joy I have been fortunate to experience. If you opt to take this journey with me, I hope I inspire you as life as inspired me.

Enjoy the ride.....