A Letter to Me by Me.

As hard as I try, I can’t shake this feeling that something is just not right.
Maybe it’s your lack of action or what you do when we fight, but it seems to me that something is hiding in the shadows and I’m afraid of what may come to light.
What I perceive to be reality may just be a mere fragment of my imagination, and if that is proven true then the walls of my existence will ultimately equate cessation.
Loving you is a battle and I know life itself can be a war, but I feel like I’m losing this one and the question is if it’s worth fighting for.
I want to believe that you’ve changed and things will never be as they once were before, but part of me believes that it may be naive of me to think that you just haven’t mastered the art of being a whore.
I know I would never do anything to hurt you but that’s me, you have hurt me more than anyone else, so who is to say that you have stopped and aren’t still selfish.
I’m finally admitting that I’m not happy. The picture that I painted for myself doesn’t exist. I keep trying to attain it, even a small piece of it, but it’s hopeless.
I don’t want to give up but some dreams don’t come true and I’m starting to think that one of those dreams is being happy with you.
I don’t trust you and frankly in the back of my mind you will always be a cheat. The holder of dishonesty and heartbreak --- the ultimate deceit.
I guess I was kidding myself thinking that you would change, that I would one day be important in your life and bear your last name.
I was going to take the route of being patient but there is only so much patience one can exude, that’s why there is a saying that patience is a virtue. --- Because many don’t have it!
The fact that we still encounter the same hurdles affirms the realization that ‘US’ really hasn’t changed. We are still the same, just packaged differently.
I can’t go on living like this because this isn’t life. I’m in a constant battle with so many emotions inside and I’ve just grown tired with this fight.
Maybe you and I are too different and we aren’t compatible like we wanted to be. I love you but I love me MORE so our US has to just become YOU and ME --- separately.

Love,

T

How Would You Feel -- Jilly from Philly

Tell me how you'd feel if I was, if I was gone?
Tell me how you'd feel
What if I was gone forever? No more chocolate kisses, no nappy dugout ever,
No Mama, no daughter, no sister, no, no sister friends
Tell me my brother what would become of you then?
What if, poof, every black female in the world disappeared?
Your man-child left unattended lost without no one behind the steering wheel
Tell me, hmm mmm,
C'mon,how would that make you feel
C'mon,c'mon, help a sister say
Tell me how would you feel if I was, if I was gone? Tell how you'd feel

Your beautiful brown would be forever gone, with no more cocoa wombs to carry your brown on
You right there, would be the last of your kind
Can you feel this song? How does that affect your mind?
Cause if there was no me, there'd be no you. Ooo can you feel me, is this song coming through
That's the science in it, but it's so much more intense
Reach into your soul for the answer, reach wherever you need to, to find it
Tell me how would you feel if I was, if I was gone? Tell how you'd feel
No Mama, no daughter

Say you be tripping, say you pimping it,
Talking 'bout how you "Da Man", what you are is something different
By-product of when "Massa" ruled your life spreading babies everywhere
Couldn't think, couldn't care
But you can now, you can, you can
C'mon and man up dammit
Tell me how would you feel if I was, if I was gone? Tell how you'd feel
No mamma, no daughter